Recovery from codependency is a highly individual process. It will take time, and may require the support of a professional or group therapy to identify the real roots of the issues. Emotional recovery with group support may be best for some, which can be found in organizations such as Codependent Anonymous, also known as CoDa.
Recovery from codependency often involves examining your childhood, because this is often the source of the problem. Because children learn behaviors and responses from those closest to them, it is difficult to break habits begun in childhood, even if the grown adult intellectually realizes that they are bad habits. To achieve recovery from codependency, it is necessary to identify the root cause and realize that it is not your fault.
First, you must acknowledge that you have a problem and that your relationship is unhealthy. You should also realize that your irrational actions are probably covering up feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth. To overcome dependency, you need to rid yourself of the feelings that cause your unhealthy behaviors, and talking to other people who have the same problems may be one of the most effective ways to understand that your feelings are normal even if they aren’t healthy.
Understanding why you are drawn to unhealthy relationships is paramount to breaking the cycle. Walking away from your partner is one option, but remember that being alone will not instantly cure you of the behaviors that have plagued you. Take time to read up on codependency issues and discover what you are really dealing with so that you can truly begin to help yourself. There are many good books available on this subject including Codependent No More by Melody Beattie which will give you an important insight into the condition itself. Codependent Anonymous groups can offer much support and simply require that those who attend have a willingness to change and put forth the effort to have a healthy relationship.
Think back to your childhood and to try to ascertain the triggers for your unhealthy feelings. Did you feel loved and safe for example? If your parents were emotionally unavailable to you at a tender age, it makes sense that you would look for a familiar alternative, thus creating this unhealthy behavioral loop of love, need, abandonment and emotional pain. It is perfectly OK to feel angry if you did not have the most secure and loving childhood, and it certainly was not your fault. The scars that were forged during your childhood may heal externally but continue to be underneath the surface unless you deal with the situation head on. Group therapy aids in codependency recovery by offering the opportunity to share your experiences with others in a supportive environment.
A crucial part of recovery from codependency is ending the behavior of pursuing relationship simply for the sake of emotional intimacy. Codependent individuals tend to try too hard to make a relationship work with the wrong person, only because they need to feel emotionally connected to someone. It can be very problematic when two codependent people try to lean on each other for every emotional need.
So if you’ve realized that you have codependent tendencies and are looking for advice on recovery, you can check out the links at the end of this article. Going through the recovery process really does work for those who are looking to build better, lasting relationships, and it is well worth the effort.
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